How many times have you decided to start a nutrition program only to cave to temptations within the first 24 to 48 hours?  Yes, me too!  We all have fallen to our own weaknesses when it comes to tempting foods or situations that lead to overindulging on things that aren’t “on the plan”.  Do we not have willpower?  Do we not want it bad enough?  I must laugh at this because the idea of being on or off plan is exactly why we feel like we are failing every time we do this song and dance!

Could there be a better way to look at this?  Maybe the way we are approaching willpower is all wrong. 

Let us just look at a few diets, or excuse me, “lifestyles” people adopt for weight loss and see if you can find the common denominator.  

Keto- can’t have carbs (like at all)

Paleo- can’t have grains, dairy, sugar   

Intermittent Fasting – can’t eat outside your window

Vegan – Can’t eat anything that had a mother

Vegetarian – Can’t have meat

Carnivore- Can’t have anything except meat

Disclaimer:  I do know people who choose certain nutritional  lifestyles because of other reasons besides weight loss, and this doesn’t pertain to them so don’t attack me.   BUT…most people are trying to lose weight and just looking for the answer so we will go with that as the norm. 

If you guessed the word, CAN’T, you’re correct!   All these diets are extremely restrictive.   When you tell someone, they can’t do something, it immediately invokes an obstinate response.  Yes, you’ve put yourself on these restrictions.  Yes, you have goals, and you know eating certain foods don’t support those.  Yes, it’s for your own good.

 BUT…. YOU’RE A GROWN UP AND NO ONE TELLS YOU WHAT YOU CAN AND CAN’T EAT!!!   

Phew, did I just describe your feelings every single time you do this to yourself? 

If we can just step back and recognize that because we are adults, this backfires on us because it makes us feel a lack of control.   When you put your kids on restriction, it says “You are not capable of making good decisions, so I have to make this decision for you until you learn how to do that.”  The difference is that kids can’t make good decisions which is why they don’t buy the food.  Kids have very little control over their lives at all.  We only wish we had someone else cooking for us and buying the only food we had to eat in the house.   

What if we just used something called delayed gratification.  Delayed gratification means not having to say “no, I can’t”, but instead saying, “not right now”.  It puts you in control and therefore makes it your decision instead of a restriction!   

It’s a strategy I’ve used for years because it allows me to enjoy the foods I love without feeling deprived or restricted in any way.  

During my bodybuilding days, it became a challenge for myself to leave chocolate lying on the counter.  How many times can I delay the gratification of eating that chocolate?  I knew I could eat it.  I was allowed to eat it.  No one else would even know if I ate it, but not right now.  NOT TODAY.  Perhaps tomorrow would be the day.  The amount of satisfaction I got from knowing I could eat that chocolate any time I wanted it but was choosing to put it off until the decision was unemotional and intentional, was building my strength even more than the many squats I was doing in the gym!   

I have given up those days of competing, but it taught me how mentally strong I could be.  You don’t have to do bodybuilding competitions to prove that to yourself, but you can try this strategy and see if it changes your mindset when it comes to your decisions. 

This is what I do today, and the coaching I give my clients when they tell me they have no willpower or discipline!,

• Before deciding to eat that food that you know could possibly trigger overeating, STOP.  Take a 10 min. timeout.  Walk around or clean out a drawer, unload the dishwasher, or change out the laundry, and drink some water.  
• Then, revisit the decision.  If you still want it, try saying “I’m going to give this another 10 min.”  Do another chore or listen to a podcast or audio book, or even better read an actual book.
• If 20 minutes later, you DECIDE you want it.  Eat it.  But then remember that you were able to delay it.  You did that.  Be proud. 
• The next time, try a longer duration of time or say, “I’ll save this for Saturday”.  When Saturday comes, enjoy it and don’t think another second about it.

Over time, you learn to get really in touch with what are cravings and what your desires are when it comes to eating. The real desires and foods that bring joy to you will start to present themselves. You’ll want to wait to enjoy them. Give it time! Know you can have it if you want it.  You are in control.  You are an adult.  Taking responsibility for your own decisions is the most significant and rewarding step in sustained weight loss and overall health.   If you are giving all the control to your feelings at any given moment, you need to know that none of the diets will work for you long term.  You MUST work on your mindset first!  It is the glue that holds everything else in place!   

You must learn how to eat, not how to diet.

Reach out if you need to get started working on this and other mindset strategies that are hindering your ability to make progress.

No more restrictive diets that make us feel weak and keep us failing ourselves.  Take control!